


King of the Samsara

by HotSauceAndNirvanna



Series: Dead Alive [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, BAMF Haruno Sakura, Depression, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Friends as Family, Haruno Sakura-centric, Identity Issues, Kekkei Genkai | Bloodline Limit, Kyuubi | Nine-tails | Kurama & Uzumaki Naruto Friendship, Lets shake things up, M/M, Mental Health Issues, More tags as I go!, Multi, Naruto and Sakura as siblings of choice, PTSD, Protect all the children!, Protective Kyuubi | Nine-tails | Kurama, Rinnegan, Strong Haruno Sakura, This is gonna be really dark guys, but it will get better!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2019-10-21 02:59:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17634746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HotSauceAndNirvanna/pseuds/HotSauceAndNirvanna
Summary: Sakura Haruno is dead and it is my fault. I did not mean to, please forgive me.My world is dead and it is my fault. I did not mean to, please forgive me.I am dead and it is not my fault. It is your fault and I will not forgive you.





	1. Limbo

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by:
> 
> Claws Amidst the Cracks by UndeadArtist
> 
> And
> 
> Time flies like an arrow by Katlou303
> 
>  
> 
> Good God they are so pretty fucking awesome stories!!!!

Falling.

Dying.

Screaming.

PLEASE SAVE ME

 

WhO aM i????

 

 

 

 

-

My world is dead.

 

 

-

I do not want to be here. I miss my home. My family. I didn't mean to kill-

 

-

I am here and no longer there.

They are children.

This is not real.

 

 

 

I wAnT tO gO hOmE

-

This is real.

I can do nothing.

I must survive.

-

Ididntmeantopleaseshesjustalittlegirltakemebackiwanttogohomedontmakemedothis

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

The first to fall was my mother.

 

It was strange to know that the human body could hold so much blood when it came to someone I loved.

 

She was a cruel woman though she did care in her own way.

 

I did not cry.

 

I felt nothing. Whats one life compared to the thousands that came immediately after?

 

..Am I a bad person?

 

-

 

I remember the screaming.

 

 

And the crying.

 

And the howling desperation as the bodies just kept coming  _and why am I not strong enough?_  I need more chakra. I need more-

 

 

 _-pleaseIdon’twantthemtododieI'msorry_ -

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Where was I again? Sorry, I still forget things sometimes. Or maybe I just don’t want to remember. I do not deserve the sweet mercy of lost memories. It is all my fault….

 

-

Today is Naruto’s birthday. He would have been twenty three. Sasuke killed him and then himself. Driven mad with power and grief and I was not there to save them.

 

I could not save him. What use am I if I can't even save those I love?

  
Still I continue to fight. And if sometimes the ghosts of the two boys I loved most in the world cry and rage in my dreams...then I have no one to blame but myself.

 

I should have put Sasuke down when I had the chance. 

 

-

 

I remember the girl with hair like spun gold and eyes like the sky. Her kisses were sweet and her love was fierce. She died in my arms.

 

 

Poor sweet Hinata. She lost her eyes and every single member of her clan down to the last child. Madara made her watch and sent her back with blood dripping down her thighs as an example of what he could do to the rest of us. We had to put her down. Her screams were attracting too much attention. 

 

 

 

 

 

Then Kakashi-sensei.

 

He killed himself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kiba died protecting the last of our children.

 

Their corpses were so small.

 

 

 

 

 Kurenai fell.

 

The smell of cooked meat still makes me sick.

 

 

 

 

 

Little Konohamaru. Such a brave little boy turned man far too soon. He did anything to make the children laugh.

 

His arm was the only thing left to bury.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

I am twenty five and the world is burning.  I choke on ash and blood and desperation. Kaguya has won. I wish I could go back and save them all. It is my fault they are dead I should have been faster please forgi-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  _My name is Sakura Haruno, I was the last living person in the world._ _And now there is no one left._

 

 

 

- 

 

 

 _Don't be sad._  
_Even if the world won't forgive you, I'll forgive you._

 _Don't be sad._  
_Even if you won't forgive the world, I'll forgive you._

 _So please tell me._  
_How do I make you forgive me?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy ya'll! Just making a few edits as of 8/5/2019 before posting the next chapter. You might want to go and reread this chapter.


	2. And so the King of the Samsara returns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura returns and it does not go smoothly. At all.

There was a sound like shattering glass and the scream of an unhinged Goddess when the world _broke_.

 

It was like being ripped apart over and over in rapid succession for an eternity. She began to wish for something as sweet as pain as her eyes burst in its sockets.

  
  
  
  


Is this hell?

 

 

 

 

-

  


The room was a soft lilac color. Filled with the markings of childhood, soft plush animals and crudely drawn pictures were the very picture of innocence. It smelled vaguely like vanilla.

 

There was no gentle awakening. She was asleep and then she was not. Simple. Efficient.

 

The pain was still great within her body though it was more manageable. With a surprising amount of effort she was able to sit up and eventually open her eyes.

 

"Where am I?" She groggily whispered.

 

She glanced to her left into the mirror above a child sized dresser. A little girl no older than three, sat in a bed. It was her and it wasn’t because Sakura Haruno did not have purple ringed eyes. Sakura Haruno was not three years old. Sakura Haruno was supposed to be dead.

  


_And so she began to scream._

 

-

 

Her body seized violently as her screams increased in volume. She began to choke on her own vomit and if it weren’t for her parents- _not hers never hers I’m sorry I should have tried harder-_ she would have died a second time.

 

They were frightened, they had only just tucked their little girl in for the night and were about to fall asleep themselves when the screaming began.

 

Mebuki Haruno was the first to enter her room and found her convulsing as if she was possessed and clawing at her own face begging for forgiveness. She tried to help her but was only able to get her to stop choking.

 

The room reeked of desperation and complete and utter fear.

 

_I’m sorry please forgive me I should have saved everyone sendmeback-_

 

Kizashi and Mebuki could not comprehend what was going on. The rushed her to the hospital where even the med-nin were confused themselves. It appeared as if she had been tortured via genjutsu that they could not break no matter what they tried. Eventually she had to be forcefully sedated until a Yamanaka could arrive.

 

-

 

Haruo Yamanaka did not last long in her mind. He was forcibly ejected as her mind warped and turned into itself in distress. He was only able to glean extreme emotions from her mind, fear and guilt. For what he did not know but it was something that he had never seen before in a child as young as she.

 

He said as much to the child’s parents. They wept as she whimpered in her sleep.

 

Inoichi Yamanaka would have to be summoned.

 

-

 

By the time Inoichi arrived the girl had already woken on her own, something that should not have been possible due to the amount of drugs they had pumped into her system.

 

The only thing she would say was that she was being punished for not being strong enough to save everyone from the woman with the white hair. Attempts to enter her mind failed spectacularly each time, though it was now confirmed to be some sort of genjutsu. He recommended that she see Misao Shishikusa, a trained therapist who specialized in treating children who had fought in the previous war.

  


She did not speak again for a over year.

 

-

 

For the first three months it was as if she lived in a fog. She only did the bare minimum to survive and would kneel in the dogza position begging for forgiveness when alone. She only did this at night when the elder Haruno’s where asleep after the first time they caught her and held her weeping.

 

An investigation into the whole situation turned up nothing.

 

Misao threw around words such as _severe depression and post traumatic stress disorder._ She said that some of the effects of what happened may last for her entire life though it can be coped with through extensive therapy.

 

-

 

Eight months in and Sakura Haruno began to slowly respond to the world around her.

 

She has tentative smiles and no longer hides in small enclosed spaces anymore. She still does not speak but does make her wishes known to the world around her which is a big improvement from the near catatonic state she had been.

 

At night she still kneels begging for forgiveness.

 

Internally she still raged with fear and guilt over the whole situation but began to come to terms with it. It is done and there is no other option but to move forward and attempt to stop the world from burning in the future.

 

When she first came back she had what is known as the _Rinnegan,_ in her desperation she was able to deactivate it and so has saved herself from what could have been a very messy situation. She has experimented with it since to see if she could turn it back on. Her attempts have just recently become successful.

 

-

 

A year and three months later and her parents have decided to try to reintroduce her to the world around her by taking her to a little known playground near the Hokage mountain in the evening. Previous attempts have ended badly but it has been sometime since the last one and Sakura has made a lot of progress.

 

Kizashi instructs her to go have some fun and when she takes a tentative few steps toward the playground, smiles and sits with Mebuki on a bench overlooking the city below.

 

Though she is an adult stuck within a child’s body she is still subject to childish whims and emotions and scurries off towards the swings to play.

 

There sits a lone little boy in dirty ill-fitting clothes with hair like the sun and eyes as blue as the never ending ocean, crying silently.

 

A year and three months later Sakura Haruno speaks for the first time.

  
_“Naruto?”_ She whispers so quietly it's almost as if she didn’t speak at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the review everyone!
> 
> Things will start to rapidly pick up from here with itty bitty not-Sakura making friends in some unlikely places. Pairings wise, she will not start to actually date anyone until after the time skip in shippuden. At the moment I'm thinking Itachi with a few other flings here and there. Any-who, if you'd like to see anything in particular leave a comment and I may just consider it!


	3. Wrath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cycle of life and rebirth is tragic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy folxs! I know I have been away for quite some time. Sorry but I have just been really busy and to be quite honest depressed. I needed to take some time for myself and grow as a person, during this time I have made a lot of progress. Yay!!!
> 
> Now I'm back and better than ever. I'm going to try to get on a schedule and update at least every two weeks. Feel free to comment down below with constructive criticism on what you liked what you didn't like and what you would like to see in the future. Compliments are also welcome too! ^.^

He was smaller than she remembered Sakura thought as she took in the form of the ghost of the boy who had once loved her but eventually grew to hate her.

 

It's funny in a sad sort of way. He who was good and pure and  _ kind  _ to the dregs of humanity even in the face of adversity, grew to hate her. The boy who once loved her as one would love a sibling  _ hated  _ her and would have killed her given the chance.

 

I mean it makes sense after what she did in the end.

 

...Did?

 

….

 

……

 

_ “What did I do again?” _

 

-

 

Her mind was fracturing again just as it did in the beginning when she killed a little girl named Sakura Haruno and took her place. 

 

But it’s okay because I was once Sakura Haruno right? 

 

I mean its not really murder if the person that was killed was me right?

 

Right!?

 

-

  
  


A broken young man driven mad with grief and betrayal.

 

A malnourished, disheartened little boy whose only crime was being born to the wrong people.

 

First one then the other. Back and forth, over and over and over and over and  _ overandoverandover- _

 

-

 

And so the mind of Not-Sakura shattered once more.

 

And so she fell to the ground and keened as would an animal who had been injured and didn’t understand why.

Pitiful. Desperate. Guilty. Broken.

 

-

 

Little Naruto Uzumaki all alone in the world.

 

.

 

..

 

…

 

-

 

Naruto Uzumaki was having a no good very bad day. It was his birthday and the festival celebrating the death of the Kyuubi no Kitsune was well underway.

 

He knew was supposed to stay in the room where it was safe but he was just so  _ hungry _ . He didn’t mean to be bad honest, but the hunger just wouldn’t go away and maybe if he could just find a little snack he would go back really quick before anyone could notice. Just a small one. Surely he could have at least that much for his birthday, right?

 

So he left. But there was no food to be found and he had no money so the only thing left to do was to dig for food in the dumpster behind the nearby bakery. The lights were off and no one was around since everyone was in the village center drinking and crying and celebrating the end of the worst disaster to hit the village in history, so it should be relatively safe enough for him to try and find something. Worst comes to worst he knows the best places to hide in and he is far faster than most people so he will be fine if anything happens.

 

With that in mind he left. 

 

-

 

It took some time but after some digging he came upon the most amazing thing ever! It was a beautiful, pink cake that still had most of the frosting on it and smelled simply divine.

 

Sure there was some rotting food touching it but he had never had cake before and it was his birthday and darn-it, he deserved to have something nice for his birthday too no matter what anybody else says! 

 

So he tucked into the cake and it was just as good as it looked. The sweet cream, the light and airy cake, and the strawberries all blended together to dazzle the taste buds in the most pleasing way.

 

Little did he know that his momentary bit of happiness wasn’t going to last long. He wouldn’t be able to enjoy a slice of cake without having a panic attack for a very long time afterwards.

 

-

 

At five o’clock in the evening on October 10th, Naruto Uzumaki was enjoying a cake that he had finished out of a rather disgusting dumpster when several shadows loomed over him.

 

Three men of indiscernible ages and visibly drunk stumbled into the small alley where Naruto Uzumaki sat unaware of the danger that was fast approaching, too consumed with hunger to notice what had happened.

 

Ken Watanabe. His wife and newborn child crushed under the claws of the Kyuubi no Kitsune.

 

Ichiro Nakamura who witnessed his twin sister burn to death from chakra feedback from the Kyuubi no Kitsune.

 

Sota Tanaka who lost an arm and a leg trying to save his now dead lover from a collapsed building because of the Kyuubi no Kitsune.

 

They would have their revenge.

 

-

 

So they beat him. A four year old, defenseless little boy who had done absolutely nothing to them and when they thought him dead dragged him from the alley to present to the village at the festival.

 

When they arrived they were greeted with shock and horror until the people realized exactly who that broken boy was and cheered until finally  _ finally  _ someone stepped in.

 

Genma Shiranui, who had once served the fourth Hokage and would have taken in his son had he been allowed, ripped those three men apart. There was nothing recognizable from those three men left behind with the exception of odd bits of blood and viscera.

 

The music, the cheers, the taunts all finally came to a stop. It was like time stood still in its endless, terrible glory. Fear began to taint the air as the killing intent of death incarnate began to rise until all at once it ended as the man cradled the broken body of a four year old little boy and weeped at the injustice of it all.

 

Naruto Uzumaki died from a brain hemorrhage due to blunt force trauma at 5:30 pm on October 10th.

 

At 5:35 pm on October 10th his little heart began to beat once more.

 

And at 5:40 pm on October 10th he opened his eyes once more and  _ screamed. _

 

He screamed. And Screamed. And screamed until finally he was about to wiggle out of the hold the strange man had on him despite the mangled mess his body had been just a few short minutes previously and took off running as far as he could to a little known park near the Hokage mountain.

 

- 

 

Genma Shiranui was in a right state of panic.

 

First the beloved son of the man he respected most had been horrifically beaten for the crime of existing. And then he tragically died in his arms. His body was so small.

 

Then the screaming started which was so unexpected that when the small child, little more than a babe really, wiggled out of his hold and fled he was too flabbergasted to do more than stare. But it wasn’t long until the complete and utter panic set in.

 

He was just about to take off after him when he was overtaken by the feeling of someone releasing an incredible amount of killing intent.

 

The Sandaime had just arrived and he was most definitely not pleased. Not at all. 

 

-

 

And so when little Naruto Uzumaki arrived to one of the few places he felt safe in his panic, he collapsed into a fit of tears.

 

He cried at the injustice of it all. For his lost innocence. For his murder and subsequent resurrection. For the desire for somebody  _ anybody  _ to love him just the tiniest bit. He deserved that much right?

 

...Right.

 

He didn’t do anything wrong honest! He was just so hungry, but he will promise not to do anything bad ever again. Pinky swear even! Just for someone to love him and hold him for a even a little bit. Even monsters need someone right?

 

“Please, someone anyone…”

  
  


-

 

As his tears began to peter out he heard some rather distressing sounds. It sounded like a wounded animal.

 

Where is it coming from?

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Howdy hi ya'll!
> 
> This is my very first fanfic so please be sure to leave lots of constructive criticism in the comments along with anything you would like to see in the upcoming chapters.
> 
> Also, the first person to figure out where the poem at the end comes from will get a chapter written for them!


End file.
